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Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

💔 The Lost Promise of Connection

We could have had nice things:

  • Emotional honesty that didn’t need decoding
  • Intimacy that didn’t need leases or lifestyle checklists
  • Relationships that felt like home, not negotiations

But instead, we chose:

  • Co-signers over co-dreamers
  • Optics over openness
  • Silent resentment over loud, imperfect love

We traded the sacred for the strategic. We didn’t lose connection by accident. We priced it out of the market.

🎭 The Performance Economy

We built lives that:

  • Look perfect in photos
  • Feel hollow in silence
  • Reward calculation over compassion

We vilify those who see through us.
We obsess over how we’re seen, not who we are.
We enforce boundaries that protect our image, not our soul.

🧠 The Cost of Strategy

We chose:

  • Leverage over love
  • Control over connection
  • Security over sincerity
  • Winning over wondering

And now we’re stuck with curated lives that look perfect but feel hollow. We could have had nice things like:

  • Magnanimity instead of manipulation
  • Relationships free from silent transactions
  • Love that isn’t contingent on social capital

But no:

  • The genuine are sidelined
  • Vulnerability is a liability
  • Truth is a relic, not a virtue

We chose strategy. We chose to enforce one-way boundaries. We chose to “get there”—never mind who we step over. Because we didn’t want nice things. We wanted leverage. And now we’re all stuck— performing, pretending, while the ones who refuse to play are left wondering if being genuine is now a liability. That’s why we can’t have nice things

Because nice things require truth.
And truth doesn’t trend.

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🥀 An Ode to Leases, Layovers & Leverage

We could have had something genuine

Not notarized.
Not negotiated.
Not needing a down payment
on devotion.

Trust —
not tallied in credits.
Connection —
not contingent on co-signing,
driving,
or boarding passes.

But instead,
I am
The Man Who Won’t Co-Sign.
• Lives at home
• Can’t drive
• No job
A boy in the economy
of emotional authenticity —
bankrupt by modern standards.

She’s holding the one “pussy”
that might underwrite her freedom
from her parents’ house.
But freedom isn’t free.
It costs a lease.
It costs a ride.
It costs a layover
in someone else’s life
who can foot the bill.

She can’t afford
to choose affection
without ROI.
She needs a partner
who doubles as a provider —
not a mirror.
Not a friend.
Not a boy
who still believes
love is its own currency.

No lease.
No leverage.
No layover.
Just love —
denied
on technical grounds.

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A Sale of Two Titties

In the city of strategic femininity, two women walk parallel paths through the marketplace of modern intimacy.

Radha and Meera, in the Age of Perpetual Performance

It was the best of desires, it was the worst of desires; the age of curated independence and the age of quiet sovereignty; the season of being pursued and the season of walking away; the spring of longing and the winter of clarity. In this marketplace of hearts — where emojis masquerade as emotion and scarcity is sold by the ounce — two archetypes stand at opposite ends of the same bazaar, each offering her own version of the feminine myth.

Radha arrives first, as she always does, shimmering with the promise of being chosen. She does not ask for attention; she allows it. She does not chase affection; she prices it. Her independence is displayed like silk in a shop window — admired, coveted, and always slightly out of reach. She knows the choreography of glances and pauses, the delicate art of being almost available. Men gather around her like pilgrims, believing that if they offer enough tokens — a charm, a gesture, a vow — she will open the gates of her warmth. But Radha never opens gates. She opens negotiations. And in her world, longing is the currency and she is the mint.

Across the bazaar stands Meera, barefoot and unbothered, carrying nothing but her own name. She does not shimmer; she stands. She does not price her affection; she protects it. Where Radha offers the dream of being chosen, Meera offers the truth of being whole. She does not invite pursuit, nor does she punish it. She simply refuses to turn her heart into a ledger. When kindness arrives at her door, she accepts it without interest; when desire arrives with expectation, she returns it without apology. She is not cold — she is clear. And clarity, in a world addicted to performance, feels like rebellion.

Radha sells the fantasy of rescue. Meera sells the reality of responsibility. Radha asks, “Will you prove yourself worthy?” Meera asks, “Will you prove yourself to yourself?” Radha is the storm before the confession. Meera is the silence after the truth.

And so the sale continues, day after day, in every city and every generation — two offerings laid out on the same table, two ways of being woman in a world that still expects performance from one and emotional labour from the other.

Radha teaches the ache of wanting. Meera teaches the peace of knowing.

And somewhere between them, the rest of us wander — choosing, mischoosing, learning, unlearning — until we finally understand that the bazaar was never about them at all. It was always about what we were ready to buy.

💔 The Marketplace of Modern Femininity

In this tale of two titties, we do not find romance—we find strategy. We do not find authenticity—we find optics. These women are not victims of patriarchy; they are tacticians within it. They do not play the game for pleasure—they play to survive.

Their bodies are not battlegrounds. They are bargaining chips. Their choices are not shallow—they are system-aware. They know that in a world that commodifies purity, independence, and desirability, the titty is not sacred—it is priced.

And so they sell. Or they wait to sell. Or they pretend not to sell while selling. But always, they calculate.

🧩 Final Thought

A Sale of Two Titties is not a tragedy. It is a ledger. A record of what it costs to be legible, desirable, and free in a world that demands women be all three—but only on its terms.

And if you think this tale is about them, think again. It’s about all of us—trading pieces of ourselves in markets we didn’t build, but learned to master.

And that is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.

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The Loss of Emotional Authenticity

🪟 The Window of Uncalculated Affection

There’s a time in adolescence—brief and fragile—where affection is given freely.

  • No one’s keeping score.
  • No one’s performing.
  • Love is not yet a transaction.

But for girls, that window often begins closing far earlier. Before they even reach high school, they’re absorbing the message through media, peers, and even well-meaning adults—that:

  • Their bodies are currency.
  • Attention must be earned through performance.
  • Love is something to be traded, not shared.

🧍‍♂️ My Son’s Memory: A Testament to Purity

My son’s memory of his high school girlfriend, before either of them understood the social games—is a testament to that purity. Before leverage, co-signing, or social capital entered the equation. It wasn’t about negotiation, performance, or positioning. That relationship wasn’t strategic. It was spontaneous. It was raw, unfiltered affection—something he hasn’t felt since. Age 16 isn’t the beginning—it’s the tipping point. By then, the conditioning is often complete.

💔 The Gendered Conditioning of Adolescence

  • Girls and the Currency of Appearance: From a young age, girls are taught—explicitly and implicitly—that their value is tied to how they look and how they’re perceived. Media, peers, even well-meaning adults reinforce this.
  • Boys and Emotional Detachment: While girls are often over-sexualized, boys are frequently discouraged from vulnerability.

🧠 The Psychology of the “Tipping Point”

  • Age 16 as a Cultural Milestone: It’s not just about physical maturity—it’s when social hierarchies, romantic expectations, and identity pressures converge.
  • Loss of Spontaneity: By this age, many teens have internalized the rules of engagement: who they’re “supposed” to be, how they’re “supposed” to love.

🌱 Mourning vs. Romanticizing Youth

  • I’m not idealizing adolescence—I’m grieving what’s stolen from it.
  • My call here is to protect emotional authenticity, to create spaces where affection isn’t a transaction but a gift.

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Nishkāma: Beyond Pragmatism

Enter Nishkāma Karma.

The Gītā speaks of acting without clutching at the fruits of your actions—performing your duty without expectation or attachment to the outcome. It’s a practice that at first glance, seems almost… counterintuitive. And yet, it shares a kinship with pragmatism. Both are about doing. The difference? Pragmatism chases results; Nishkāma Karma transcends them.

The Heart of the Matter

What shifts inside you when you stop optimizing for praise, for metrics, for those fleeting “likes”? What opens up when you release the need for external validation?

It’s not about accepting mediocrity; it’s about finding joy in the act itself. A small win – a well-crafted sentence, a helpful connection, a moment of quiet focus – that is enough.

And isn’t that, in itself, a kind of abundance?

The quiet revolution isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about the small, deliberate choices we make every day – choosing presence over performance, choosing joy over outcome. It’s about finding the stillness within the hum.

A clean slate. A fresh perspective. A moment of unburdened possibility.

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Pragmatism Over Perfection

Embracing Small Beginnings: Everyday Heuristics

We often lean on intuitive methods to understand our surroundings and each other. Whether it’s through ancient systems like astrology, numerology and face reading; or by simply noticing patterns in behaviour and body language, these everyday heuristics serve as accessible starting points. They might seem unscientific. Yet, much like science itself—which begins with rough approximations and continuously refines its models—these initial impressions are fuel for deeper inquiry. For me, it’s reminiscent of 3-factor authentication. Just as cybersecurity requires a combination of something you know, something you have, and something you are to confirm an identity, the trio of so-called pseudo-sciences, intuition, and pattern recognition works synergistically to grant access to a richer understanding.

Heuristics in Everyday Life and Science

Astrological systems, despite being frequently labelled as pseudoscience, offer a shorthand for mapping personality traits and tendencies. Although controlled studies—such as the well-known experiment led by Shawn Carlson published in Nature—have shown that astrologers cannot reliably match birth charts to personality profiles (their success rate hovers around chance), these traditional models can still spark reflective dialogue and personal insight. In parallel, scientific disciplines often start with “first-order approximations” or preliminary screening techniques to model complex phenomena. In physics, for example, scientists deliberately ignore minor factors to focus on the core elements of a system, gradually refining their approach as new data emerges. In both realms, an imperfect starting point is not an end in itself but a stepping stone toward a more nuanced and accurate understanding.

Pattern Recognition: The Brain’s Natural Tool

Central to both everyday heuristics and scientific methodology is our innate ability to recognise patterns. Our brains are naturally wired to detect regularities—from recognising familiar faces to picking up on subtle behavioural cues. Neuroscience confirms that regions such as the visual cortex, temporal lobe, and hippocampus work together to interpret sensory input and retrieve related memories. This same capacity underlies early-stage analyses in machine learning, where algorithms draw on vast but imperfect datasets to offer initial predictions that are later refined. Whether it’s spotting recurring themes in human behaviour or identifying trends in data, pattern recognition is a critical tool that bridges everyday intuition and rigorous scientific inquiry.

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

Much of our interpersonal connection hinges on nonverbal cues—body language, facial expressions, and even microexpressions that flash by in tenths of a second. Research in social psychology and neuroscience has demonstrated that these silent signals often communicate feelings more effectively than words ever could. For example, studies have shown that subtle shifts in posture or an unguarded facial twitch can betray true emotional states, sometimes contradicting spoken language. This insight reveals that what begins as a rough, intuitive reading of someone’s nonverbal cues can evolve into a robust framework for interpersonal understanding, much like preliminary heuristic models in science that pave the way for more detailed exploration.

Embracing Uncertainty: A Philosophical Journey

Central to both scientific progress and authentic human connection is the willingness to live with uncertainty and imperfection. Whether you are using an astrological chart as a gentle guide to your personality or a scientist is deploying an early-stage approximation to explore complex phenomena, the initial model is rarely perfect. Yet, it is precisely this imperfection that invites curiosity, continuous exploration, and eventual refinement. Embracing these provisional insights isn’t about settling for incomplete information—it’s about recognising that every great discovery or meaningful relationship starts with a “good enough” spark of understanding. By accepting these imperfect beginnings, we not only become more adaptive but also more open to genuine dialogue and growth.

Conclusion: A Tapestry of Understanding

By drawing parallels between the everyday heuristics we rely on and the systematic approximations used in science, we embrace a philosophical unity that enriches both our personal interactions and our intellectual pursuits. A simple astrological reading or a fleeting nonverbal cue might not provide a complete picture, yet they serve as valuable entry points—a nudge toward further exploration. In a world teeming with complexity, recognising the value in our imperfect models paves the way for deeper, more meaningful connections with others and with our own evolving understanding.

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Progress, not Perfection

Gary’s Slogan: Effectiveness, over Perfection

Gary’s a guiding star—his mantra, “Pragmatism over Perfection”, reverberates through my own thoughts. It’s a philosophy that acknowledges the inherent messiness of growth, the beauty in the “good enough” spark of understanding.

The Allure of Imperfect Beginnings

We’re wired for pattern recognition—for drawing meaning from the subtle cues of the world around us. Think about it: from ancient astrological systems to the simple observation of a friend’s body language, we gravitate toward heuristics—mental shortcuts that help us make sense of complex situations. These methods often get dismissed as unscientific, but I see a fascinating kinship between them and the scientific process itself.

Science doesn’t spring forth perfectly formed. It begins with approximations, with tentative models that are continuously refined as new data emerges. Vedic, Chinese, and Western astrology—frequently labelled as pseudoscience—offer a shortcut to understanding personality, even if controlled studies haven’t definitively proven their predictive power. It’s less about literal accuracy and more about prompting introspection and meaningful dialogue.

Bridging Intuition and Inquiry

Consider the parallels: a physicist might deliberately ignore minor factors to focus on core elements, knowing they can be addressed later. Similarly, observing microexpressions—those fleeting expressions that betray true emotional states—can be a more valuable source of information than carefully constructed words. A subtle shift in posture can speak volumes.

Neuroscience confirms what we intuitively know: our brains are constantly working to identify patterns. The visual cortex, temporal lobe, and hippocampus collaborate to interpret sensory input and retrieve memories. This same ability drives early-stage analyses in machine learning—algorithms drawing on imperfect datasets to offer initial predictions that are later refined.

Embracing the “Good Enough”

Ultimately, both science and authentic human connection require a willingness to embrace uncertainty. An astrological reading isn’t a definitive statement of who you are, but it can be a useful starting point for self-reflection. The value isn’t in the answer, but in the questions it inspires.

It’s about recognizing that every great discovery, every meaningful relationship, begins with a “good enough” spark of understanding. We become more adaptable—more open to genuine dialogue—when we accept these imperfect beginnings. It’s not about settling; it’s about acknowledging the organic nature of growth.

Gary’s “Pragmatism over Perfection” isn’t a compromise; it’s a commitment to progress—a recognition that the most beautiful tapestries are woven with threads of both certainty and uncertainty. It’s a guiding principle that I’m committed to holding onto.

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Celebrating 28 Years of bajaj.com

bajaj.com turns 28 this year, marking nearly three decades of evolution through the shifting landscape of the Internet. From its humble beginnings in 1997 as an information portal to its current role, the site has continuously adapted to new technologies and trends.

Here’s a retrospective for those who may have missed its journey:

  • A nod to the early internet era when domains were registered through InterNIC and Network Solutions at a cost of $100 USD for two years—before which registrations were free, leading to rampant cybersquatting.
  • Back then, recovering a domain from a cybersquatter was no simple feat. Either InterNIC had to enforce its Lame Delegation Policy (which was rarely done), or one had to wait 60 days past the expiry date for it to become publicly available.
  • The site originally operated on shared hosting in the U.S. before transitioning to self-hosted infrastructure in Canada. In April 2008, it evolved into a blog, gaining traction through listings on portal sites, search engine visibility, and inbound links, which briefly attracted advertising.
  • On the technical side, bajaj.com spent almost 15 years running on a Dell PowerEdge 700 with an Intel Pentium IV processor, hosting WordPress on FreeBSD. After retiring the Dell server in 2019, it remained self-hosted—first on a Synology DS 1019+ NAS, then transitioning to Proxmox VE containers with Nginx Proxy Manager for enhanced flexibility.
  • Today, the site remains forward-thinking, accessible from IPv6-only networks, optimized with HTTP/2 and secured with DNSSEC.

bajaj.com continues to stand as a testament to digital evolution—an enduring presence in the ever-changing online landscape.

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His Highness: Carrying a Silent Vow to Serve with Humility

Magnanimous, dignity man.

A Quiet Marker of Life

The above phrase appears verbatim on my horoscope, but over time, it has become a quiet marker of how I move through life. I don’t approach people with calculated intent, nor do I barricade myself from the world. Instead, I move mindfully, engaging where there is willingness, learning where there is depth, and offering where there is room to receive.

The Challenge of Misinterpretation

Yet, even in this considered approach, understanding is not always assured—intentions can be reshaped by perception, and meaning can be lost in translation. I’ve seen how those who grew up in emotional scarcity, can turn vulnerability into sport. In a memorable encounter, I recall one particular girl—socially awkward, raised in a home where care was likely spread thin:

Honouring Silent Contribution

At first, I felt an unspoken social obligation—not to her alone, but also toward the quiet labour of care her own family endured because her mother was a professional nanny. I’ve seen how roles like hers often come at a quiet cost to their own families. Recognizing that dynamic, I instinctively extended generosity—as both a nod to the support her mother embodied and a nurturing gesture toward the girl so as not to pass her by unseen for her small acts of help, showing up in quiet ways and subtly supporting our household in ways she may not even have realized. So I reciprocated, inviting her in, offering food, creating space where she could exist without expectation.

The Illusion of Connection

She carried that absence in the way she wove denial and emotional misdirection into her subtle teasing; a capricious game of shifting moods and playful deflections. To her, testing someone with empathetic inclinations was not cruelty—it was entertainment. Her behaviour was as unpredictable as a fleeting dance of light on water, choosing transient amusement—a poster example of ephemeral engagement that prizes momentary diversion over lasting connection.

Rethinking Generosity

Reflecting further, I’ve come to see that the gap in understanding generosity isn’t solely an issue of personal history. The lived realities shaped by economic constraints also colour how giving is perceived. For those whose daily experience is marked by practicality and immediate need, unguarded acts of selfless care can seem both unexpected and perplexing.

In this light, even gestures meant to heal can be misread—dismissed as irrational rather than recognized as pure, if unconventional, compassion. It reminds me of a story in which a man, moved by instinctive generosity, exchanges his fine clothing for the tattered garments of a beggar—not as charity, but as a quiet recognition of dignity. Yet, when the beggar later testifies in court, his worldview does not allow for such an act to be perceived as kindness. Instead, he declares it as madness, unwittingly sealing his benefactor’s fate in a system that cannot make sense of unguarded generosity. It is a sobering reflection on how lived realities shape our ability to receive and interpret care, and how—without shared understanding—giving can be mistaken for recklessness rather than reverence.

Embracing Purposeful Generosity

In the end, I recognized that I wasn’t truly meeting her need—I was fulfilling a role in a game she never intended to sustain; a fleeting engagement that was never intended to yield genuine reciprocity. And in that realization, a piece of me shifted. I lost one way of freely offering kindness, yet gained an understanding that generosity must be extended only when there is a recognized willingness to receive, and more importantly, I no longer assume that being understood is the same as being valued.

I once carried magnanimity as a gift freely offered, but now I recognize it as energy that must be placed with precision. I embrace a vision of purposeful generosity—where connection is cultivated rather than forced, and where wisdom dictates the flow of my presence.

The transformation wasn’t about becoming harder—though I did traverse that phase—it was about becoming clearer. And in that clarity, I walk with a different awareness—not less willing to engage, but more attuned to where my energy truly belongs—primarily with myself. The version of me that once grinned easily would have given freely without hesitation. I stand as my own benefactor, quietly expecting the reverence and loyalty that come from honoring the dignity of one’s inner worth.

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The Weight of Unrecognized Grace

There’s a quiet dignity in moving through the world with a commitment to uplifting others. A genuine generosity, freely offered, creates space—space for connection, for kindness, for unexpected joy. Yet, this generosity, this magnanimity, often encounters a peculiar resistance in modern society. It’s not met with straightforward gratitude, but with suspicion, misinterpretation, and a pervasive sense that something’s “off.”

The Murky Waters of Interpretation

The immediate assumption seems to be that there’s an angle. An ulterior motive. Why would someone offer help without expectation? It’s… unsettling. The default becomes transactional. A sense of being beholden. Authenticity struggles to breathe under the weight of this expectation.

Generational Echoes

It’s intriguing, isn’t it? My father’s generation, for example, operated with a deeply ingrained sense of community responsibility. A helping hand wasn’t questioned; it was simply given. Younger generations, while undoubtedly empathetic, often approach generosity with a more guarded perspective. This isn’t inherently negative; it’s a reflection of shifting societal landscapes and a necessary adaptation to protect oneself. However, it creates a dissonance, a gap between the intention and the reception of kindness.

Navigating the Currents

The challenge, then, isn’t to abandon the impulse to uplift. It’s to learn to navigate these currents with grace and discernment.

  • Emotional Intelligence as a Compass: Recognizing that others’ skepticism stems from their own experiences and insecurities – not necessarily a direct reflection of your intentions – is crucial. It allows for empathy and understanding, even when met with resistance.
  • Setting Boundaries: Magnanimity doesn’t necessitate self-sacrifice to the point of depletion. Knowing when to offer and when to step back is a vital act of self-preservation.
  • Finding Resonance: Connecting with those who appreciate and reciprocate kindness – even in small ways – provides a vital source of replenishment.

Preserving Dignity & Sustaining Hope

There’s a quiet strength in choosing kindness, even when that kindness is met with misunderstanding. Dignity isn’t lost through generosity; it’s defined by it. Maintaining hope—believing in the potential for genuine connection—is a continuous act of courage. It’s a choice to extend grace, even when grace isn’t readily returned. And, ultimately, it’s that unwavering commitment to kindness, despite the challenges, that truly makes a difference.